Jesu, The Forgotten.

General Information:

-Full Name:Jesu Gragan al' Falme

-Nicknames/Aliases/Titles:Jesu. 13th Kenpachi.

-Noteable Family:None

-Loyalties:Only to myself and those who earn my respect.

-Actual Age:21(i know.)

Appearance:

-Appearance:

-Preferred Wardrobe:Simple brown trenchcoat

-Height:6' 1"

-Weight:185 lbs

-Physical Age:21

Race Specific Information:

-Squad:11

-Seat:Captain

Character/Player Bio:

-Personality:Lazy, Crafty, SLightly Insane.

-Rank:Captain

-History:After Family was killed by Arrancars, learned how to fight from Shinga,i Rebels. Assited in retaking the Seritei, only to dissapear for 3 years and then return unannouced in the dead of night.

-Roleplay Samples:No.

Asshole red pen review time!

Jesu4ever wrote:

-Shinigami-

General Information:

-Full Name:Jesu Gragan al' Falme
Um, sure, this'll work.

-Nicknames/Aliases/Titles:Jesu. 13th Kenpachi.
Mmkay, that's alright.

-Noteable Family:None
Again, okay

-Loyalties:Only to myself and those who earn my respect.
You're a Captain and not loyal to the SS? Off with your head >.>

-Actual Age:21(i know.)
No, no, no and again, no. A couple hundred years old is like regular shinigami, a thousand years+ is more like Captain.

Appearance:

-Appearance:
Believe it or not, you need to fill this part out. Written appearance and a picture if you want, the picture is optional; the written bit is NOT optional. Talk about his build, Eye color, Hair color, Hair length, How muscled
he is, if he has any scars or tattoos, stuff like that. Describe him
physically.

-Preferred Wardrobe:Simple brown trenchcoat
You'll need AT LEAST one good paragraph for this, not three words.

-Height:6' 1"
Alright...

-Weight:185 lbs
Six foot tall and 185 lbs? Is he like a string bean?

-Physical Age:21
Alright..

Race Specific Information:

-Squad:11
Alright..

-Seat:Captain
We have an 11th Division Captain, but he's inactive so you might convince Maria to give you the position. Not likely with an app like this.

Character/Player Bio:

-Personality:Lazy, Crafty, SLightly Insane.
You'll need one or two, preferably two or more, paragraphs for this; not four words. What does he like? What does he dislike? How does he act towards people he know? Doesn't know?

-Rank:Captain
Read above for my thoughts on this.

-History:After Family was killed by Arrancars, learned how to fight from Shinga,i Rebels. Assited in retaking the Seritei, only to dissapear for 3 years and then return unannouced in the dead of night.
Rule of thumb; When my review of your app has more words than your actual applications, you aren't getting an elite position. Your history needs to be AT LEAST a couple paragraphs, describing time on earth, your death, time as a plus, time in the academy, time as a shinigami, how you climbed the ranks to Captain, and anything you've done as Captain so far. Some of that is optional, but it would be smart to cover it all.

-Roleplay Samples:No.
Yes

Ayano Kuraimasu wrote:

Asshole red pen review time!

Jesu4ever wrote:

-Shinigami-

General Information:

-Full Name:Jesu Gragan al' Falme
Um, sure, this'll work.

-Nicknames/Aliases/Titles:Jesu. 13th Kenpachi.
Mmkay, that's alright.

-Noteable Family:None
Again, okay

-Loyalties:Only to myself and those who earn my respect.
You're a Captain and not loyal to the SS? Off with your head >.>

-Actual Age:21(i know.)
No, no, no and again, no. A couple hundred years old is like regular shinigami, a thousand years+ is more like Captain.

Appearance:

-Appearance:
Believe it or not, you need to fill this part out. Written appearance and a picture if you want, the picture is optional; the written bit is NOT optional. Talk about his build, Eye color, Hair color, Hair length, How muscled
he is, if he has any scars or tattoos, stuff like that. Describe him
physically.

-Preferred Wardrobe:Simple brown trenchcoat
You'll need AT LEAST one good paragraph for this, not three words.

-Height:6' 1"
Alright...

-Weight:185 lbs
Six foot tall and 185 lbs? Is he like a string bean?

-Physical Age:21
Alright..

Race Specific Information:

-Squad:11
Alright..

-Seat:Captain
We have an 11th Division Captain, but he's inactive so you might convince Maria to give you the position. Not likely with an app like this.

Character/Player Bio:

-Personality:Lazy, Crafty, SLightly Insane.
You'll need one or two, preferably two or more, paragraphs for this; not four words. What does he like? What does he dislike? How does he act towards people he know? Doesn't know?

-Rank:Captain
Read above for my thoughts on this.

-History:After Family was killed by Arrancars, learned how to fight from Shinga,i Rebels. Assited in retaking the Seritei, only to dissapear for 3 years and then return unannouced in the dead of night.
Rule of thumb; When my review of your app has more words than your actual applications, you aren't getting an elite position. Your history needs to be AT LEAST a couple paragraphs, describing time on earth, your death, time as a plus, time in the academy, time as a shinigami, how you climbed the ranks to Captain, and anything you've done as Captain so far. Some of that is optional, but it would be smart to cover it all.

-Roleplay Samples:No.
Yes

Here. Better now? I had 5 minutes to type the first one, so stop whining.


General Information:

-Full Name:Jesu Gragan al' Falme

-Nicknames/Aliases/Titles:Jesu.

-Noteable Family:None

-Loyalties:Only to myself and those who earn my respect.

-Actual Age:1350

Appearance:

-Appearance:Standing at 6' 1" tall and weghing in at 215 lbs, Jesu may look thin, but if you were to feel his muscles, they would be as hard and strong as any of those that are his larger. His eyes arebright blue, and in the right light sometimes gray. Jesu's body is covered in scars from former battles. He is well versed in every form of combat, and it radiates form every part of his body, from his casual swagger to his cold, calculating eyes. His hair is brown and short, with small hints of blonde near the front of his face. He bare only one scar on his face, which runs from his right eye down to his cheek, and the only other visble scars are the ones on his right hand, in between his middle and index finger and reaching all the way towards his wrist.

-Preferred Wardrobe:Jesu usually wears a simple brown trenchcoat, with his shinigami uniform underneath, and his zan on his back, sometimes hidden underneath his coat. He wears a wide brimmed black hat most days, rarely ever removing it even during battle.

-Height:5' 10"

-Weight:215 lbs.

-Physical Age:34

Race Specific Information:

-Squad:11

-Seat:I.D.C!(i dont care for you not familiar with text.)

Character/Player Bio:

-Personality:Jesu prefers to be seen as a lazy weakling, or perhaps a fool, and goes out of his way to keep up this facade, going so far as to even smack his commanding officer for saying "hello" to him. Driven mad during the war with the Arrancars, Jesu watched as his family was bitchered over and over again, tortured in a damp dungeon for over 50 years, until a band of rebel Shinigami broken into the prison and freed him, along with countless others. He crazes violence, openly seeking out new and tougher enemies. He distrusts most people, and is not afraid to speak his mind, even to a captain. He will defend those he thinks are being wronged, once even throwing himself in front of a cero to save a mother and her son.

-Rank:Once again. IDC.

-History:After his Family was killed by Arrancars, he was taken to the dungeons of the Seiretei, where he was tortured for 50 years before being freed(along wiht others) by a band of SHinigami rebels attempting to retake the building he was held in. After being trained in the skills of a Shinigami by his newly aquired rebel freinds, he fought in many engagements against the Arrancars before he was nearly killed by a cero, which he dove in fornt of ot protect a mother a her baby son from. After being in intensive care for the better part of two years, he assisted in retaking the Seiretei from the Arrancars, and eagerly awaits his formal training.

-Roleplay Samples:No.
Nah im just messin with yah.

*Cracks my neck, and begins a series of increasingly complex sowrd attacks, moving form one form to the next as if i was dancing instead of fighting, and at each slice of my blade i fire off a different Kidou spell THROUGH the sowrd, increasing the effectiveness of both the Kidou spell AND the sword strike, finishing it off with a downward slash combined with a Hiryugekizokushintenraiho

Whining? That wasn't whining, that was a moderator telling you how you need to improve your application if you expect a rank anywhere above, say, academy student. I would appreciate it if you showed a little respect to myself and my staff in the future, thank you in advance.

Judging from your roleplay sample and history, I'd place you at unseated at best, though your history implies that you're starting as an academy student. You may improve your application further if you decide you want a higher rank, otherwise add to your history about actually doing your training and joining the squad if you want to be a regular shinigami, if not I'll approve you as an academy student.

Ayano Kuraimasu wrote:

Whining? That wasn't whining, that was a moderator telling you how you need to improve your application if you expect a rank anywhere above, say, academy student. I would appreciate it if you showed a little respect to myself and my staff in the future, thank you in advance.

Judging from your roleplay sample and history, I'd place you at unseated at best, though your history implies that you're starting as an academy student. You may improve your application further if you decide you want a higher rank, otherwise add to your history about actually doing your training and joining the squad if you want to be a regular shinigami, if not I'll approve you as an academy student.

Thanks. Btw, that just my sense of humor. I respect mods very much.I used to be one, so i know what you guys do. Once again thank you for your comments.